I was watching Oprah today.

Does anyone watch Oprah? <- (Possibly rhetorical, improbably philosophical: i.e. "We all watch Oprah, but does anyone really...?" {w/ extra ellipses, as needed}. I guess its sort of like a "forest for the trees" kind of thing.)


Anyway, It was on a FLDS Community in Texas, where Oprah infiltrated the YFZ Ranch, which is outside Eldorado, TX. (That's Eldorado, not El Dorado) There was a segment, one in particular, that caught my eye as I was running like a hamster. Oprah was talking to a group of children in the community, and uncovered that, apparently, these "kids" did not like the idea of playing, and only wanted to work.

This was shocking to me, and I came to very sharp terms, finely-pointed word associations. Communism, Brain Washing, and Lifelessness. This is what my mind goes to, in reverse order. Brain Washing was given, as Oprah had mentioned that many critics of the ranch used the term in their responses. Lifelessness is something I felt, and nevertheless thought. Communism is the interesting one.

The problem with Communism, as Animal Farm tells us, is that there are always people who will abuse the system for its flaws. There will always be people in charge, and those people will always, and eventually disagree, for whatever reason, self-less or selfish, and will thus try to take more control. But what if "God" was in charge? I enquote the term God (for words are words) because the aforementioned force of the universe my be credited for the creation of such universe and the governing rules by which it abides, it is certain that he does not rule it, or, better put, rule it as a human knows ruling to be done. Maybe its a silent ruling, gravity and life-span and the workings of living things. But it isn't the gut-lead decisions, or mind/bodily lusting of warlords and scoundrel emperors.

The Communism fall is reason. Human reasoning will always lead to change, eventually. You can lead a person to the cliff, but feeling always gets them questioning "why?" at the edge. It can be the smallest things too. A smile can change a persons whole view of their condition. Sight, sound, smell, feeling. We all assign reasons for events. When something makes a sound at night, we all guess at what it was, even if we don't know or don't care.

But there isn't any reason to religion. Faith and rationalization are too very different "metaphysicals". Religion doesn't care for facts. It makes no difference if people are praising a watching deity or just making a fool of themselves. God doesn't change opinions or doesn't do any of the work while taking all of the harvest. Technically, there is nothing in it for God, as far as greedy humans are concerned.

The flaw is still in the lifelessness. Human life is based on reasoning, and assigning purpose to things. If you take away discovery, what is the purpose? If you live a planned life, how do you feel any attachment to it? I guess that is the whole point, the flaw of creation to be mended, but I can't hold it. I'm much too greedy.

Sometimes their right, and sometimes I am. Okay, most of the time I am. Every once in awhile I can see other people are right and accept that, but usually what we see is what we think is right. Today, after hearing the children talk to Oprah and listening to her conversation with the teacher afterward and seeing the lady's face, I felt an uneasiness, and realized that we both can be wrong as well. We all feel through the same methods, or we assume so I think, and people have the same falls from perfection, the same mental lapses of soul and self. We're all fighting for self-control, I just don't think we all know when the battle against ourselves intercedes the battle against each other.

I've often had this notion that I'm the flawless one, and it switches with the negation that everyone else is perfect. I might of thought that everyone is wrong sometimes, but I never got it. The statement might of gone through my head like a re-speaking, a reiteration like I often do with the prayers of the preachers in church, when I go to church with other people. I might of said it with my inner voice, but I didn't see it. There wasn't a light bulb behind my face for the world to see. And even now its hard to retain, like I was carrying in groceries from the trunk and I ambitiously grab everything in one great bear hug and I take a couple steps and it all just pours out and I'm reaching for everything as its falling from my great-arm-circle and it happens so fast that I don't really look at what I grab but my arms just reach and reach.

These are Oprah thoughts. As I'm running in my hamster wheel, realizing nothing is ever really random. Random is always used wrong. We mean to say that these things happen for no significant reason, but there is always a cause when there is an effect. Every thought comes from something else, some feeling from some observation. We just can't see that small thing all the time. We just keep reaching and reaching but we can't grab (metaphysically) what isn't (metaphysically) all there. Its like we're looking at it, are eyes are open and in its direction, but we don't see it. And we don't know it, so if we can't see what we don't know, we've got nothing. That's the uneasiness; That's the flaw; That's what religion ignoringly mends. It makes no difference if its wrong or right.

I get faith, but I'm too attached to reason. I'm too hesitant and unsure of what "what I want to do" actually means.

So maybe religious communism can work. It won't always work. But if it is completely voluntary, I think it could. I won't ever fully agree with it, I certainly won't participate, I definitely couldn't if I wanted by my own selfishness, but I understand it. And I accept it.

I'm just too hateful of life and I get this muffled yet strong feeling of deficiency in reason. There is medicine for this, but I'm too stubborn, too Napoleonic, too socially anorexic to take it willingly. Greed is what differentiates myself from the animals, and never what makes me act like them.

I know I'm an animal, but I'm too selfish to believe that I am.

Maybe man created the earth. Maybe this is some sort of self-enslavement. God only knows why. It would explain things better. If God made the universe, and the flaw of man, then wouldn't God have to be not perfect and flawed. Its such like a human to create God so they got something to blame for all their problems. And "created in God's image" is just text book pompousness. To think we can reason on things beyond our creation. Maybe God made the universe work the way it does so we'd actually think we could understand things. Like an ever-loving parent, God gave us the answer, and let us think we got it by ourselves. I just don't know.

I don't know, and I'm not okay with it.

Oprah (the show, not the person) doesn't take sides [or maybe she does], and she shows the people's truths. The Mormons she talked with certainly have a side. I think they don't know the truths of the universe anymore than I do, but they definitely don't care and are definitely still living the way they do, regardless of any, if any, doubt.

All this uncertainty above is blind to the fact of the television program I saw today.

The truth is there was a conspiracy of a socially acceptable dilemma of underage marriage, and Oprah, as her show is usually rooted in news like this, investigated the whole story, first with the mother who took her children as she left the community in order to prevent, as she says, her daughter from underage marriage, and second, today, with the community and the daughter that returned to where she called home.

I don't know any of these people.

I've judged them based on focused media.

And I got away with it.

This is wrong.

Almost as wrong as the fact that once you select a mood emoticon, you have to use one. Its like once you feel, you cannot not feel. Once the world has heard your voice, you can't quiet it. They can still hear your silence.